


I'm Not Joking, Though

by stupidthinker



Series: What's With These One-sided Love [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:23:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10594890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidthinker/pseuds/stupidthinker
Summary: Jackson fell in love at the first sight with Mark, but his object of affection never took his confessions seriously. Would he finally get his feelings through?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My first Markson fanfic!! Writing this because I'm so smitten with DAY6 new song. I actually planned to write this sequel even before the song is out with a different plot, but changed it into this because I just like that song so much. Hope you'd like it :))

“Mark, I love you!” Jackson said with his nasal voice, looking at Mark from where he sat with what he hoped would be interpreted as puppy eyes than a gaze truly full of love. Mark just gave him a mischievous smile and said, “Yeah, I love you too. But I still won’t give you free drinks today, Jackson,” without stopping his hands from wiping the glass clean behind the bar.

Jackson pouted his lips, hiding the fact that his heart almost stopped over the older boy’s first sentence, even when he knew he was just saying it without any meaning. “You’re so stingy!” Jackson said, hoping his voice didn’t come out shaky. Mark laughed, and Jackson tried so hard to restrain his mouth from loosening to a foolish smile, because that laugh was like a melodious music that rang through his heart, better than any song he’d ever heard. And what made it worse was because Mark looked so beautiful, laughing like that. Well, he always did. Jackson should’ve avoided him because that face really wasn’t healthy for his heart, and he was an extreme health-freak. But he had to be a masochist and tried to befriend the bartender a few months ago, when what he didn’t want to be the most was just a friend.

It wasn't the first time Jackson confessed to Mark, but he always passed it as a joke, and everytime he did Jackson just laughed along even though he wanted to scream his lungs out. He had given so many signs about his feelings for the older boy, but he never saw it. Either that or he just didn't see him as a potential lover. And that was why Jackson couldn't make himself to say that he was serious with every confession he made.

"Are you alone today? Where's the friend you're usually here with?" Mark suddenly asked, putting the glass in his hand on the counter.

"You mean Jaebum? That jerk ditch me for his new boyfriend so here I am, the poor lonely friend, alone by myself. A friend in front of a lover is just like a dust, easily blown away by the wind," Jackson said, feigning a pitiful and sad expression, “What, are you interested in him?” Jackson asked, nervously waited for his answer. Well, while his best friend could come off cold and intimidating, many found it charming. And Jaebum was no doubt a handsome, stylish man with slanted eyes, sharp features, wide shoulder, and tall, proportional body. On another side there was Jackson who despite his well-defined muscles was short with his short legs. He didn’t even know why, but he couldn’t be confident without his snapback, and all he wore was black. It was no wonder if Mark like his friend better than him. Jackson felt dejected until he heard the older chuckled, starting to wipe another glass. “If I were interested in him, I wouldn’t call you to take him home, dumbass. I’d just take him to my apartment and make a move on him.”

 _Thanks God,_ Jackson was about to take a breath of relief when he heard him talked again, to his horror, “Well, he is attractive, indeed. It’s quite a pity he already had a boyfriend now. I should’ve done that. Or should I make my move now? Maybe I still have a chance.”

Jackson abruptly stood up, slammed his hands onto and yell out, “NO!” When he finally registered what he just did, he saw Mark looking at him, his eyes widened with shock. Then he felt stares bored into the back of his head, most definitely from other customers in the room. His cheeks grew hotter as he sank back down into the bar stool, looking down at his feet, ashamed. He finally looked up when he heard the familiar laugh again. He was baffled when he saw Mark laughed so hard he bent over, his hand clutching on his stomach. He laughed for a while until he ran out of breath.

“I’m just joking, Jackson. No need to be so scared, I won’t steal someone who has been taken. I won’t ruin your friend’s happiness, Jackson, easy,” Mark said with the remains of his laugh. Jackson looked down again without saying anything, wanting to dig a hole somewhere and hide from his embarrassment.

"Hmm… new boyfriend, huh? So his problem's solved already?"

Jackson looked at the older again, trying to act nonchalantly. "Yeah, turns out it was just a misunderstanding, that idiot. Oh, he told me to say thanks to you and sorry for the trouble."

"Tell him it's nothing. He didn't trouble me as much as many did. At least he was a silent drinker and didn't make any ruckus. Still, I've never been so glad to have your number before. It would be a pain if there were no one to take him home."

"I thought I mean more for you! I'm hurt, Mark." Jackson feigned disappointment, though it wasn't really an act. He had hoped that he actually did mean more.

Mark chuckled and put down the glass he was wiping, "Stop exaggerating things and I'll make you a drink."

“Free?” Jackson asked, hopeful.

“Pay,” Mark grinned to Jackson’s frown.


	2. Part 1

As cliché as it might sound, Jackson fell for Mark at the first sight. In one windy night of July, as he walked home crossing a deserted alley in his neighborhood, he saw someone being surrounded by what looked like three drunken hoodlums. He only saw him from the back, so he couldn’t see his face. The stranger was about the same height as Jackson, but in contrast to his muscular build, the boy was so thin. He looked so frail and vulnerable that Jackson felt the strong urge to help and protect him.

However, it seemed like help wasn’t needed, since the moment Jackson was about to run there, he saw the boy flew and kick the man in front of him, on his chest. The man fell hard on his back, grunting in pain. Jackson was in a daze as he watched the stranger flew around, kicking and hitting here and there, until all the scoundrels who were about two times his size sprawled groaning on the ground. It was so cool how so much strength could come out of that thin body. Even Jackson himself wasn’t sure if he could beat up three hoodlums by himself unscathed.

The boy turned around, and the amazement turned into something else. Something that started to stir in his heart, as he just saw the most beautiful face he had ever seen. The stranger’s face was small and pretty, with fair, pale skin, a perfectly sloped nose, the plump, natural red lips, and big, dark beaded eyes. But there was still something igneous about that angelic face that made him looked tough despite his prettiness. Maybe it was the way moonlight fell on his face that sharpened his features and made his face gleamed, radiating the glow at the same time. Maybe it was the way his rosy lips curved into a smug smirk. Or maybe it was his sharp gaze, the fire in it that could burn anyone if he wanted it to. The three hooligans had met that fate because they were too drunk to see it. And Jackson was a captive to that fire from the moment on.

Jackson found himself unable to move, stricken by the other boy. So he just watched as the stranger picked up his bag that was dropped during the fight, and left. He could only move a few minutes after the boy already disappeared from his sight. He went to bed that night, unable to fall into slumber. His mind was filled by the gorgeous stranger. The boy was truly a beauty. Not only his visage, but also his gaze, the way he moved his slender body, the strength emanated from that body, the fiery aura he exuded while still looking like an angel, everything about him was beauty. Maybe he was truly the angel of death that would be the death of him, since he was enthralled by that very angel. The angel that would never grace himself with his presence again.

He felt dejected and hopeless. He tried to forget his moonlight angel ━Jaebum cringed on the nickname when he heard it━ but he couldn’t. Whatever he did, wherever he was, that bewitching face would always popped up in his mind. Jackson was charmed, smitten by the boy, like he was under a spell that couldn’t be broken. He was so depressed, which was kind of rare with his cheerful personality. He felt hollow, like everything inside him had been sucked away by the angel. He just moped around for two weeks until Jaebum couldn’t take it anymore and dragged him to a new bar that had just opened a short while ago. Actually he just wanted to stay holed up in his room with his imaginary form of his beautiful stranger, but when they entered the bar, he thanked God for having such a stubborn best friend. Because behind the bar, stood the real form of the person that had been persistently stayed in his head since that fateful night, skillfully mixing a cocktail with the shaker in his hands with a polite yet confident smile.

Because there stood his moonlight angel, still as stunning as when he saw him the first time it stole his breath away.

 

\--

 

Sometimes, Jackson would stay at the bar past the closing time. He didn’t have to be afraid of putting Mark in trouble with his boss, since Mark had once told him the boss and owner of this bar was his older brother. He would keep talking or just gazed at Mark, letting comfortable silence enveloped them as the older cleaned his tools. At first he was scared he would annoy him, but Mark never seemed upset or told him to leave. He looked fine with it, he didn’t even talk to him formally anymore beside business hours.

Maybe it was just him, but Mark seemed to talk, smile, and laugh more when he was with Jackson than other customers who had attempted to talk to him. With other customers, everything was done politely, his rare responses, his courteous smile, his small laugh, very business-like. However when he was with him, Mark didn’t only smile at him. He smirked, he grinned, and laughed loudly without any restraint. He even showed his mischievous side to him. It made Jackson felt a little bit more special than others, and he fell even deeper when he thought he had reached the bottom end.

Mark was so quiet around people, he barely talked. It took long for Jackson to make the older warmed up until being how he was today, and Jackson wanted to applaud himself for his effort. He even managed to learn some private information about Mark, like he was actually an American, coming from Los Angeles. He followed his oldest brother who taught him the art of Mixology to Korea, and worked here while finishing his study. He learned martial art since he was eight because he got bullied a lot thanks to his kinda feminine features and small frame. He hated to be weak and vulnerable, he wanted to defend himself, so he asked his parents to submit him to a dojo. It was admirable, and Jackson came to adore the boy even more.

And tonight, just like many other night, he stayed past closing time when Mark suddenly asked, “Do you want to try mixing a simple drink?”

It caught him by surprise, but it quickly turned into interest and excitement. He had always been curious, but his hands was never good for detailed work like that. However the older had offered to teach him, and he would never miss this chance. So he stood up from his chair, bowed his head and said, “Please take care of me, Master,” bringing laugh to the other boy.

“What do you want to try? How about French Martini, the drink you ordered the first time you’re here? It’s so easy.”

“Okay.”

It was the first time Jackson stood so close to Mark. Usually there would always be a bar counter separating them, yet now they were side by side behind it. He couldn’t help his heart beating so fast, pumping rush of blood to his cheeks. He tried to calm himself while the older went to bring the needed ingredients, which seemed to be in vain seeing how his hand was slightly shaky while holding the jigger, making the older laugh again.

“Why are you so nervous? Are you that excited?”

Well, he was, but the reason for why he was nervous definitely wasn’t it. He obviously couldn’t say _‘it’s because of you, Mark’_ , so he just nodded.

Mark told him the measurement of the ingredients while Jackson measured it with the jigger carefully, trying to be as precise as possible. He poured the ingredients into the shaker after each measurement, and shook it. He didn’t know how much strength he had to put on shaking it, so he just shook it hard before pouring it into a glass through the strain. He was happy, excited, and anxious as how the first drink he mixed would taste like as Mark took a sip.

“Hmm… not bad,” Mark commented, giving it to Jackson to taste it himself.

“Different from yours, though. The one you made tastes better,” Jackson said, kinda disappointed. Mark patted his back and gave him encouraging smile. “It’s your first time, so it’s understandable. Don’t be disheartened.”

What Mark didn’t know was he didn’t even think about his disappointment anymore since electric pulse had spreaded all over his body from where the other’s warm hand touch him through his clothes. And that it took his all for Jackson to hold himself from kissing the breathtaking smile away from those red lips.

“Would you teach me again sometime?”

“Of course! For free, even. Ain’t I generous?”

“You’re the most generous person I’ve ever met, Mark! I really love you!”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Mark said with a grin.

_No, you don’t._

 

\--

 

As his love for Mark deepened, Jackson was getting frustrated day by day. Mark was so oblivious to his obvious advance. His approaches was not subtle by any means. He didn’t know if it because Mark was too dense to get it, or he just pretended not to see it to keep their relationship from going further. But the older often gave him vague signs that led him on, that made him hard to give the boy up even when he knew those signs might held no meanings. One word, one action from Mark could stir him so much it drove him crazy, like now.

“Why do you always wear a snapback?” Mark asked curiously while putting his tools on their place after finished cleaning them.

“My head’s kinda big, so I covered it up with snapbacks. And it had become a habit now.”

“Can I try it? Your snapback?”

That question caught him by surprise. Why did Mark want to try wearing his snapback? It would obviously be too big for his small head, showing just how big Jackson’s head was. That was why he hesitated to lend it, but the hopeful look on that angelic face made him took it off of his head, his brunette hair fell limply on his eyes. He brushed it back sheepishly as he gave the snapback to Mark. That face would really be the death of him someday.

He already knew that Mark head was small. However, he never expected it to be so small that his snapback even covered about half of the older’s ears. Jackson found it unbelievable and adorable at the same time, even more so with the pout that was formed by his plump lips. Even the way his chestnut hair sticking out here and there in disarray when he pulled the snapback off irritatedly, it was endearing. But he kind of puzzled when Mark looked at him and smile, saying, “It’s not that bad.”

“Huh? Yeah, you still look good with that snapback.” _Of course he’d look good in anything. He’s an angel,_ Jackson thought.

“Not me, you. I think you look better without the snapback. I can’t see your face clearly when you wear it, even more so with the dim light of the bar, but now that I see it, you’re rather good-looking, Jackson,” Mark chuckled while stain of red started spreading on his cheeks to his ear, his heart fluttered. “It’s a pity you want it hidden,” the older said, ruffling his hair. And he liked the feeling of that gentle hand on his hair.

So from then on his snapbacks never saw the light of day again, locked in the dark shelf of his closet.

 

\--

 

Mark put a glass of cocktail on the counter in front of Jackson. As always, Jackson let the older boy gave him whatever he wanted to make, but since they became close, Mark would only made him this one drink. The drink was translucent with two twirls of orange zest, served inside a high-stemmed glass with triangular bowl. When he made it, he would flamed the zest before putting it in. And everytime he did, the fire in his eyes flared brighter than ever, radiating the flame.

Jackson never knew what the drink was called. He had tried to ask Mark, but the older just smiled mysteriously without telling him. He kept pushing Mark to tell him the answer, but the older never budged until he finally gave up and just drank it.

In business hours he couldn’t keep Mark by himself, since the other had to talk and serve drinks for other customers, so he had to be satisfied by talking bit by bit in between his interactions with other customers and his work while patiently waiting for closing time to talk to his heart's content. He could’ve come near the closing time, but he liked seeing Mark doing his job. He could see the older’s eyes beamed with passion whenever he mixed drinks, his contentment whenever customers drank the drinks he made with satisfaction. And Jackson would just get enchanted by the older boy even more.

However, today Mark was different. He looked kind of distracted when he cleaned his tools after the closing time. He seemed anxious about something, and there was some tension in the silence that was never there before, it was suffocating. So Jackson asked the older boy, “Are you okay?”

Mark was startled, but he gave him a smile and say, “I'm okay, don’t worry.” The smile didn’t reach his eyes, though. Jackson didn’t know what to say anymore, so he stay quiet. He saw the other bit his lower lip, and said, “You won’t find me here anymore starting the day after tomorrow.”

The news hit Jackson like a stoned wall had crumbled and fell all over him. He was paralyzed. It took his all just to say a word, “Why?”

“I have to go back to America. I’ve planned it for a while now, actually.” Mark said smiling again, a little bit wider than before, “Don’t worry, I’m sure my replacement would be as good as me, maybe even better.”

It cut a wound to his heart. It was painful. Jackson felt so dejected that Mark didn’t even told him of his decision when he made it, and only said it now. But he didn’t have the right to get angry, since he was nobody for the older boy. They couldn’t even be considered friends. Jackson was just a customer that was a little bit more close to Mark than other customers. So Jackson bit back his tears and forced a smile, “Your cocktail would still be the best. I’ll miss you, Mark.”

Mark laughed, the laugh he tried to record it precisely in his mind since it might be the last laugh Jackson would ever heard from his angel, and captured how his lips curved into a beautiful smile in details with his eyes as he said, “Thank you.”


	3. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just changed the rating to the Mature one for future precaution. Sorry! It's just progressed that way before I knew it :D And this work even gets longer than it was intended to be. Hope you enjoy this chapter :))

Jackson sprawled himself on Jaebum’s bed, his face sinking into the pillow. He called for an emergency on his best friend as soon as he left the bar right after that conversation. For the first time he didn't wait until Mark was finished, stating he had a business to take care of early in the morning as an excuse when he didn’t. He didn't care whether Jaebum had already slept or not or if he was with his boyfriend or not, he owed him one. He just really needed someone right now. Fortunately Jaebum was still awake and alone at his apartment by the time Jackson called.

He had just finished his second can of beer, which tasted rotten on his tongue after Mark’s perfectly made cocktail. But he really needed the fuzzy feelings it provided to chase away the turmoil in his aching head. Which hadn’t succeeded yet, since he was a strong drinker. His mind was still as lucid as the summer sky. As clear as the complexion of Mark’s fair skin.

Damn. He needed more beer.

“What should I do? Should I give up and forget him?”

He turned his head to meet Jaebum’s sympathetic gaze as he handed him another can. If there was someone who would understand how he was feeling, it would be this friend here with his long one-sided love before it was finally got reciprocated, even longer than Jackson’s. He sipped his own beer before saying, “The problem isn’t whether you want to forget him or not, Jackson. It’s whether you can or not.”

Jackson thought about it. He already tried it the after the first time he saw Mark, and failed. How could he now when he had fallen deeper into Mark? Jackson groaned helplessly at the realization.

“See, how can you forget him when he always on your mind in everything you do? How can you move on if you can’t even see anybody else anymore? I don’t know if time would do it eventually, it didn’t work in my case since Jinyoung was always beside me. But maybe if you really don’t see him anymore, maybe time will do its work,” Jaebum said, but they both knew he didn’t put much confidence in his last sentence. Jackson was in despair.

“Listen, how about you confess to him, like doing it seriously this time? If I were you, I would want my feelings to be known by the object of my affection. And unlike me, you might not see him anymore anyway, so you have nothing to lose. Who knows, maybe the outcome would be different than what you expected.”

Jackson turned to his back, staring at the cream colored ceiling of Jaebum’s apartment. His head hurt as much as his heart, it felt like it was about to explode. He didn't know what to do. He just felt so tired, he didn't want to think or feel anything. He wanted to run away from his head, his heart, basically from his own self. He couldn’t, so he sat up and settled for downing his third beer of the night, and many others until he was knocked down into a restless slumber.

 

\--

 

Jackson woke up with a groan that morning. His head was heavy and pounding, his stomach churned. He felt like shit. He was curled up on his side on a bed that wasn’t his, but still felt familiar somehow. For a while he couldn’t remember where he was until something hit him on his arm and a familiar voice followed.

“Drink that,” Jaebum said, “It will cure your hangover.”

Jaebum put a glass of water on the nighstand as Jackson tried to sit up and opened the bottle, his face furrowed from the pain. He drank it and sighed, waiting the cure to take effect. Only then he realized Jaebum was all ready to go out.

“Where are you going?” Jackson asked hoarsely.

“I have a lecture in a while. You can just sleep again if you want. Put the key into the mailbox when you’re leaving,” Jaebum said while wearing his sneakers.

“Well then, good luck,” with that said, Jaebum left. Jackson lied down again, but he didn’t have the intention to sleep again. His head didn’t hurt as much as before anymore thanks to the medicine, and his mind started to get clearer. Every thought that consumed him the night before began to kick back in, but unexpectedly he was calmer than last night. He started thinking, contemplating on his every choice.

Jaebum was right, but he still dreaded on how Mark would react when he seriously confessed. If he rejected him, his heart would still be torn into pieces. It was going to hurt like shit, and he didn’t know how long it would take to get back on his feet again. He didn’t even know if he would. Yet he also knew that he would still be in misery all the same even if he didn’t confess. He would always wonder what would happen if he did. It was better to confess, wasn't it? At least he wouldn't have to be left wondering for the rest of his life.

However, the thought of confessing to Mark still scared him greatly. How will he responded? Would he brush it off like always? Would he bluntly reject him? Would he pulled himself away from Jackson and stopped all contact him anymore? Who knew, maybe the older boy would be willing to keep in contact with Jackson even after he went back to America. Maybe he could still see him again someday. What if him confessing to Mark would ruin this chance?

Jackson slowly felt like despising himself for being a coward. He was ashamed of himself. He envied Jaebum for being able to convey his feelings bluntly, consistently. He knew now how hard it was, how much courage it needed to show someone that he love them.

Jackson went back to his own apartment when his hangover had been reduced until it almost completely disappear. His stomach growled, so he stopped by a convenience store on his way back. He looked around, uncertain on what to eat until he finally picked a bibimbap lunchbox. He paid for it and a coffee then asked for it to be heated. While he was waiting, someone tapped on his shoulder. He turned around to find Jinyoung grinned at him.

“Jinyoung? Why are you here?”

It had been a while since Jaebum finally got his long time unrequited love as a boyfriend. Jackson had already apologized for his misunderstanding, but Jinyoung said that it was his own fault for letting that happen. Since then, he had met Jinyoung often and eventually they became a fairly good friends. Sometimes they even hung out without Jaebum, where Jinyoung would rant about him with fondness in his eyes.

“I haven’t eaten breakfast yet, I think of buying samgak kimbap so my stomach could at least hold on until lunchtime.”

“Why don’t you eat heavier food and just forget the lunch? There’s only a few hours left to lunchtime anyway. Or is there a reason why you have to eat lunch? Are you going to have it with Jaebum?”

From Jinyoung’s blushing face, seemed like he was right. He sighed. These lovebirds made him jealous. At that moment, his food was ready. He sat on a chair facing the window wall, and Jinyoung sat beside him. They ate in silence, Jackson busy with his own mind, until he finally made up his mind and asked, “How do you feel when Jaebum confessed to you?”

Jinyoung looked startled with the question, but he composed himself. He thought for a while and said, “I was flustered, of course. It was so sudden.”

“Didn’t it make you feel troubled?”

“Well, it did on some ways. I didn’t know how to respond to him. I never even saw him as a potential lover until then, but I knew I didn’t want to lose him. I could’ve just accepted his confession, but I didn't want to give him a half-assed answer, because I knew he was sincere. My head was about to burst those days.”

“Did you ever think that it would be better if he never confessed?”

“Surprisingly, I never thought of that. No matter how much it drove me crazy thanks to of how awkward it became, deep down I’d always feel fluttered whenever he showed his affection for me. It’s an amazing feeling to know that someone loves you deeply, you know. Because nobody would hate to be loved.”

Jackson continued eating while thinking about everything that Jinyoung had said. When they finished eating and about to go their own way, he said, “Thanks, Jinyoung, for answering my questions with honesty. You’d never know how much courage your words have given to me.”

Jinyoung smiled softly and said, “It’s nothing. Call me if you ever need someone to talk to.” Jackson returned the smile and said, “Thanks.” Jinyoung waved at him as they separated. Hopefully Mark would think just like how Jinyoung did.

Even though he had reached into a decision, however, he was still reluctant. He still didn’t have enough courage to confess yet. That was why a few hours later, after he went back to his own apartment for a shower and change of clothes, instead of finding Mark he just wandered around the town, trying to drag it as long as possible as he made up his mind. He kept pondering on what he should say, and wondering how the older boy would react. And it only made his fears grew bigger and bigger.

He kept walking and walking, until the sky was blushing red and the sun was about to disappear behind the buildings. At that moment, he spotted a type of flower he never saw before displayed in front of a flower shop he was passing by. He never had any interest on flowers before, so he couldn’t understand why he was so attracted to that flower. He was so enthralled by the flower, just like how he was enthralled by Mark. Yeah, right. That flower reminded him of Mark.

He didn’t know what it was that made the flower reminded him of Mark. Maybe it was the scent that flower emitted, a minty fragrance that was similar to the scent he inhaled everytime he stood close to Mark. Maybe it was the way the petals formed a bell shape, reminded him of how Mark’s laugh always rang through his heart. Or maybe it was how the flower was white on the outside and the edges, while the inside was bright red. Just like Mark with his angelic appearance, yet there was a bright, burning flame in his eyes. Or maybe it was only because the flower was beautiful, just like Mark.

Suddenly a middle-aged woman with a baby blue apron hanging on her neck came out from the shop. Her face was kind and gentle, with the wrinkles that was formed on her face when she gave him a warm smile.

“Is there a flower that interested you?” she asked with a soft voice.

“Um… yeah. What is the name of this flower?” Jackson asked, pointing to the flower that had caught his attention. Somehow the woman’s smile became wider.

“Are you giving it to your lover?” the woman asked, startling him.

“No! Um, I don’t know, that flower just interested me. I’m just curious.”

“That flower was called gloxinia. It symbolizes a proud spirit,” the woman said. Jackson nodded in understanding, before she continued, “It also signifies love at the first sight.”

His heart tugged. He felt so pathetic. Even the universe was mocking him. It upset him, yet at the same time it made him grew fonder of that flower. He sighed, and told the woman, “I’ll take it.”

 

\--

 

Jackson walked back and forth in front of the bar, kicking small stones that stood on his way. The bar was already closed, and he was waiting for Mark to come out. He chose it that way, since waiting inside would suffocate him and crush the courage he had barely gathered. He stared down at the bouquet of gloxinia in his hands. The bouquet was pretty in its simplicity. Just like Mark.

He stopped walking, and decided to lean his back against the wall. He looked up at the clear sky of midsummer night. The sky was bare of any cloud, instead it was sprinkled by the twinkling stars and the full moon that illuminated the earth with its melancholy brightness. Suddenly a familiar voice came from beside him. The voice he had been missing all day. And the face that shined even brighter than the moon appeared in his sight.

“Jackson, what are you doing here?”

Jackson jolted to upright posture. The moment his eyes met Mark’s, his throat felt parched. Every words he had spent half the day to prepare for seemed to have vanished from his memory. Nothing came out from his gaping mouth no matter how hard he tried, so he just extended his hands to give him the flowers he had been carrying the whole time. Mark looked surprised for a moment, before his face broke into a smile.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the flowers in his own hands. He inspect the flowers, eyeing them with admiration in his gaze.

“That flower reminds me of you,” Jackson said, finally found his voice.

“It’s so beautiful. I’ve never seen this flower before. What is it called?”

“It’s called gloxinia. The shopkeeper said it symbolizes a proud spirit.” Mark looked at him, his smile was so radiant it even radiated from his eyes. Jackson took a deep breath, gathering his nerve to continue. “It also signifies love at the first sight.”

The warm smile on the older’s face turned frozen. He looked dazed. He didn’t laugh nor retort it with a joke, and Jackson realized that finally the older took him seriously. That finally, his feelings got through. It gave him the courage to carry on.

“I love you, Mark. I really love you. I’ve loved you even before you know me. I’m not joking whenever I said I love you. To tell you the truth, I’ve never even loved someone this much before. You’re always in my mind, no matter what I do. I can’t see anybody else since I set my eyes on you. I love you so much it drives me crazy.”

That was all he wanted to say. Beads of sweat started to form on his temple as he anxiously waited for Mark response. The older’s expression was unreadable, it was impossible to guess what was in his mind. However, as time passed, Mark didn’t seem like he was about to say anything any minutes now, and Jackson felt like his heart slowly fell apart. When his tears was threatening to break out, he decided that was enough. At least he had accomplished what he was here for.

“Okay, so I think this is a goodbye. Take care, Mark. I wish you a safe journey there.” Jackson could hear his voice slightly trembled as he tried to hold back his tears. He quickly turned to leave, wanting to be as far away as he could from this place and cry his eyes out. However, he felt a hand tugging on his wrist, preventing him to leave. When he turned back to look at its owner, he was surprised to see a smile hanging on his face.

“Follow me,” Mark told him, clasping his hand with his own and started walking. Jackson was still in a haze, he just followed the older boy without thinking, like a robot. The tears that was pressuring his eyes before had disappeared. The palm of Mark’s hand grew hotter as his own hands turned cold from anxiousness. He was starting to hope again thanks to the smile, but he dreaded the possibility of it falling apart again. He would fall harder and not able to get up again.

He just hoped it wasn’t the case.


	4. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a trash writing this chapter. My deepest apologize. Hope you still like it though T_T Anyway, enjoy reading :))

They had walked for about twenty minutes now, and Mark hadn’t yet to let go of Jackson’s hand. He didn’t know what to expect from that. The road was deserted, almost every shop had closed since it was two in the morning. He wished it wasn’t as quiet since the older didn’t say anything since they left the bar, and the silence drove him crazy because it made the negative thoughts swirling around his head sounded louder.

But it all disappeared when Mark lead him into a skyscraper apartment building. Jackson was tailing the older with his mouth stupidly gaped in awe as they passed the security and get into the elevator. There were numbers from one to thirty, and Mark pushed the 25 button. When they reached the twenty fifth floor, the door opened with a ding. Mark pulled him out of the elevator, and walked to the door with number 2503 plate attached. He put in the passcode and drag him in. What was behind the door only made Jackson’s mouth gaped wider.

Mark’s apartment was spacious and the interior was luxurious and stylish. Jackson just only saw the living room that was connected with the kitchen at the moment, and it was already bigger than his whole apartment. There were two big sofas in the middle of the room, and a 65” LED TV hanging on the wall with two big speakers on each sides. There was even a turntable at the corner. The door to the balcony was made from glass, and he could see the beautiful scenery of the city at night even from where he was standing because the curtain was opened. And of course, there were a big cabinet full of wines and a minibar.

Jackson always knew from start that Mark was most possibly not from an ordinary family, thanks to the dignified way he carried himself with elegance. Everything he did, he did it in graceful manner, even when he was beating those thugs. However, Mark never acted like he lived a glamorous life, seeing that he was willing to work so hard at the bar and interacting with customers and staff with modesty, so he never imagined him to be this rich. And this knowledge made him respected and admired the other even more.

Mark told him to sat on the sofa while he walked to the minibar. Jackson observed him as he started the familiar procedure of making the cocktail he always made for the younger. The anxiousness that once forgotten by his astonishment was back, and fidgeted as he started to think that maybe he brought him here just to make him one last drink as a goodbye. His heart clenched at the thought.

He didn’t realize he got lost in his thought until he heard the sound of glass softly hit the wood. In front of him, a glass of the cocktail Mark had always made for him standing on the coffee table. He felt the sofa shifted by the added weight as Mark was sitting beside him.

“Why do you make me this drink?” Jackson was confused and curious, yet he was also scared to hear the answer. However, what came out from Mark’s smiling mouth wasn’t an answer, but another question.

“Don’t you want to know the name of this drink?”

Jackson was confused by the question. Well, he did want to know, but he didn’t understand why Mark would talk about it at a time like this.

“Didn’t you notice that I only made this drink for you, never for anyone else?”

Jackson raked on his memories. He usually only focused on Mark himself when the older was working, having given up on paying attention to the drink he was making for the other customer quickly, since there were too many varieties of drink and he felt like his head was about to explode trying to remember each one of them.

“And this drink’s name is Flame of Love, by the way.”

Realization struck Jackson. So Mark had loved him all along since the first time the older made him this drink. _No way. It’s impossible._ He didn’t aware he had verbalized his thought until Mark pulled him in his embrace. “It’s true, Jackson. I’m not joking either whenever I responded to your saying ‘I love you’. Because I really love you too.”

Everything felt like a dream. Jackson squeezed him tightly, needing some kind of proof that everything wasn’t a dream. That the warmth that engulfed him was real. He inhaled the minty scent Mark emanated, and sighed when he felt a pair of soft lips on the crook of his neck. He gasped when Mark started nibbling on his earlobe before moving down to leave a trail of kisses on the side of his neck. He sensed the rising temperature as he felt warm breath brushed against his skin, coming out from the gap between Mark’s lips as they lingered on his neck after every kisses. And he moaned when Mark started sucking on his skin. He was in a bliss. Jaebum was right. What an unexpected outcome.

Mark pulled away without releasing his hold on Jackson. When their eyes met each other’s, Jackson could see the fire burning in the older’s eyes again. At this moment, Jackson realized now it was his turn to get burned after the three hoodlums, even in a different way, and he would gladly be consumed by that fire. The older's mouth was curved into the smug smirk Jackson saw the first night he caught the sight of Mark. He never knew the smile of a predator thrilled to devour its prey could be this arousing. And when Mark finally cupped his jaw to attach his lips with his, he shivered as felt the same electric current as when Mark taught him how to mix a drink for the first time flowed through him, except it was five times stronger than it had been.

Mark devoured his lips hungrily, like he had been waiting for this all along. And Jackson closed his eyes as he let himself to be devoured, basking himself in the feeling of being wanted by his moonlight angel. He let himself being led as the older’s moist lips moved against his. He let his strong hands clutched the locks of his hair, like how he took hold of his rein. He let him sucked on his lips along with his mind. He let his pearly teeth bit on his lower lips as if Mark had bitten his soul, taking a piece of it with him. He let his slick tongue slipped through the gap of his mouth, just like how he had slipped through his heart, and become the core existence that keep him breathing. He let the liquid substance produced by Mark’s mouth mixed with his, like the way he wanted to melt into Mark and became the essence of his life too, flowing through his every veins.

He inhaled the breath Mark exhaled, and vice versa. Their bodies slowly become closer and closer until Mark was straddling him, sitting on his lap, leaving no gap. His head was spinning. The way Mark moved against his body drove him crazy. Mark let out a moan to his mouth as he slipped his hands inside the older’s shirt, feeling the heat of his skin on his palm. And Jackson groaned in turn as Mark grinded himself against his thigh, breaking the kiss with a string of saliva stretched between their tongue.

Mark lapped his tongue along his swollen lips, and Jackson stared at him through the haze of his mind. Mark’s lips was naturally red, but now it was even redder than it usually was. Flushes of red also stained the pale skin of his face. The flame in his eyes blazed with desire.

“Wanna move to my room?” Mark asked, his voice sounded breathy.

Jackson gave him a peck on his lips and smiled as he picked the older up. Mark chuckled and tightened his hold on Jackson's neck with his arms, his legs crossed on the small of Jackson's back. “Just tell me where.”

“Eager, aren’t we?” Mark smirked, giving him a peck too, “It’s the door on the left. Bring the cocktail too, we don’t want it wasted.”

Jackson squatted down a little to take the glass, and Mark took it from his hand, taking a sip of it as Jackson carried him across the room to the wooden door Mark told him about. He went in and straightened a pillow up against the headboard before sitting on the king-sized bed with his back resting on the pillow. He did everything without putting the older down, so he was straddled by Mark again.

“Give me some of that. Isn’t it for me? Why are you the one drinking it?”

Mark just smiled teasingly and drink the cocktail again. However, instead of swallowing it, he kept it in his mouth. Jackson, who understood what he intended to do, opened his mouth slightly as the older latched his mouth onto him again. The savory taste of the cocktail and Mark’s sweet one flooded into his mouth. Some of it escaped and dripped down to his chin, which Jackson felt being licked by Mark, making him trembled by the touch. Jackson sighed as he pulled Mark into a tight embrace, sinking his face on the older’s shoulder.

“It’s not a dream, is it? You really love me, right?”

Jackson heard the glass being placed on the nightstand, and felt a pair of hands cupping his jaw, lifting his face up to meet the older’s gaze. The fire inside those gaze had calmed down, and now he could see the same fondness that was evident in Jinyoung's eyes whenever he talked about Jaebum. The eyes of someone in love.

Mark pressed his lips gently on his forehead, then the lid of his left eyes, the tip of his nose, and finally kissed him deeply on his own lips. The kiss was different from before, which was vigorous with desire and need. Now it felt gentle and deep with flood of feelings the kiss contained.

When Mark broke the kiss, he was smiling softly, but somehow it looked a little bit sad. Then he said, “I truly love you, Jackson. Though it might be not as long as yours, it doesn't mean my feelings are any lighter. I just hope you would believe me.”

It was the first time Jackson saw that kind of smile on the older’s face, and he decided he didn’t want to see it ever again. He didn’t want any hint of sadness tainted his angel’s face. He wanted him to be happy. So he kissed the older boy and said, “I believe you, Mark.”

Mark smirked. “Even if you don’t believe me, I just need to deluge you with my love until you’re too drunk with it to even think of not believing me.”

Jackson laughed and kissed the older’s jaw before he speak softly, “Do whatever you want to me, my angel. I’m your slave since the day I set my sight on you.”

“Then make love to me until we get too drunk with each other we can’t be sane again.”

And their lips found each other again, the slow, lingering kisses that slowly escalated into tangled tongues and bitten lips as the temperature around them rose again. Jackson explored the inside of Mark’s mouth while his hands did the same with every curves of the older’s back, slipping in through the hem of his shirt. They broke the kiss only to get rid of each other's shirt. And Jackson couldn’t help but staring in awe, admiring the sight in front of him.

Mark was so beautiful it was almost divine.

Almost every inch of that pale skin was flushed red, just like the face. As Jackson had expected, every muscles on Mark’s body was taut thanks to all the martial art he did despite his slim figure. He even had six packs lining his abdomen. The way those muscles stretched with every motion that perfectly sculpted body made, the sweaty skin that gleamed under the moonlight that illuminated the room through the huge windows, hypnotized him. The subtle hair that trailed down from the navel and disappeared beneath the dark blue jeans he was wearing made him lose his mind. Even the cute pair of pinkish little nubs mesmerized him.

He jolted when he felt a slender hand slipped inside the front of his jeans, stroking him through his already dampened underwear. The friction of the fabric against his sensitive skin made him let out a whine that was swallowed by the older as their mouths found their way to each other again. Jackson’s hands were shaking as he tried to unbuckled the older’s belt and unfastened the button of his jeans, zipping it open before he tugged down on his briefs, releasing the confined member. Mark gasped as he ran his fingers along the length, and he quickly followed suit, releasing Jackson’s.

Jackson encircled his arms around the older’s waist, pulling him closer into a kiss until there was no gap left between them, skin to skin, without the barrier of their clothes. Both their member were squeezed between them, rubbing onto each other as Mark started grinding his hips against him. He moved from the older’s swollen lips to lap his tongue on the back of his ear, trailing down to kiss the crook below his chin, and sucked on his Adam’s apple, feeling it vibrated with every sound Mark let out. He continued to attack his slender neck, his shoulder, his collarbones, his chest, wherever his mouth could reach in this position. Mark’s head shifted along with every movement Jackson made to give him easier access to wherever he wanted to place his mouth on. And without him realizing it, the older boy was already holding a medium-sized blue bottle in his hand.

Mark poured the clear liquid on their member that ran down staining their briefs and jeans, but they didn’t care. Jackson wrapped his fingers around them, sliding along the lengths with a fast pace. He kept going as his mouth was back on the older’s again until they exploded, shooting white substance into his hand, some of it escaped to their chest and stomach.

Both of them panted as they came back from their blissful rapture, foreheads pressed against each other, noses lightly touched. Mark was the first one to move as he pulled Jackson’s hand to his mouth, sucking on his fingers and licking the mixture of their bodily fluid clean from his hand. He gently lifted Mark from his lap, laying him down with his back on the bed and kneeled over him, trapping him with his hands. He slid the older’s pants down along with his underwear, removing it completely. Now he could clearly see everything that shaped Mark, the magnificent creature he was. He devoured every curves and crooks of his body, every moles, and every strand of hair that grew on his body with his eyes. He watched as the older’s chest rose up and down, breathing heavily. Mark was a beautiful mess, and it took his breath away.

Right now, as Mark lied on the bed, his chestnut hair slightly damp, sticking out everywhere, heavy lidded eyes, swollen red lips, skin stained red, glistened with sweat, with dark bruises on his neck, shoulder, and chest that stood out thanks to his pale complexion, and evidence of their first sexual interaction pooling on his chest and abdomen, Jackson changed his mind. While he always considered Mark in his usual state as an angel, the Mark in front of him now was his god. He had already admired and loved him greatly before, but now he even felt the need to worship him. So he did.

He lapped his tongue against Mark’s skin, licking the sticky substance that was scattered all over his chest and abdomen, his hands running across his sides, feeling the curves of his slender body with his palm. The liquid tasted sweet, though a bit salty from being mixed with the sweat. He could really get drunk to this. Then he started fiddling on one of the nubs on the older’s chest with his fingers, licking and sucking on the other with his mouth. He kissed, licked, and bit all across his torso, even having a taste of the shallow hole on his stomach. He felt himself twitched between his legs with every sounds granted from Mark’s throat as he writhed in pleasure until he couldn’t hold it anymore.

So he sat up and took both his own underwear and jeans off. Then he lifted one of the older’s legs on his shoulder, kissing the inner thigh as he glanced on his eyes, asking for permission. Mark lifted his upper body, supporting himself on his right elbow, and clutched Jackson’s nape with his right hand, pulling him forward for a deep kiss, conveying his need and desire.

“Do it.”

At that command, Jackson reach out his hand to pick up the bottle Mark had thrown on the middle of the bed earlier, pouring sufficient amount of the content down between the older’s legs through his fingers. Under Mark’s sultry gaze he slowly pushed one of his fingers in. The older whined as he worked on loosening him, and threw his head backward with a loud moan as he pushed his second finger in, spreading him open. He sighed when he pulled his fingers out, and cried out when he thrust in. Jackson groaned when he was completely inside, feeling the older’s warm, tight walls around him.

He didn’t move until Mark pulled him for a kiss again. He started off gently, then slowly and steadily picked up the pace as the heat rose. Mark eventually removed his elbow from the bed and wrapped his arms around Jackson’s neck, clinging to him. He slowly lowered the older’s head to a pillow, his hand holding the back of Mark’s small head. Their lips never left each other’s. When they did, it was to stick them on other parts of the other’s skin. Mark rained his face with wet kisses while he showered the older’s torso with kisses and bites again. They eventually bursted in pleasure, screaming each other’s name out of their lungs.

He pulled out from Mark and lied beside him on his side, spent and sated. He stared at the older’s face, both still breathed heavily from the aftermath. Then the realization of the unavoidable reality seeped through his hazy mind, and his heart sank.

“When will you be leaving?” Jackson asked quietly, trying not to sound like he was holding back his emotions even if that was what he did. Mark turned to face him and caught his gaze, his eyes unreadable.

“Tonight.”

His heart tugged. He wanted to ask when he will come back, or if he even going to come back at all, but he dreaded the answer. For now, he just wanted to dwell on the fact that the love of his life loved him to, here in front of him, and he wasn't gonna let the happiness he could only feel for this short amount of time and didn’t know when he would feel it again be tainted. He caught the older into his embrace and hugged him tightly, not caring of the mess on their bodies. Their lips met each other again, and they stared into each other’s eyes in silence before Jackson whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Mark replied.

And no one was laughing this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for spending about 3000 words only for that smut scene. I usually don't put any smut scene in my work but now here I am. It's because I feel like I didn't do justice to my suffering characters, haven't given them enough happiness for their suffering. I intended it to be way shorter but my dirty mind extended it to 3000 words OTL Thanks for reading this trashy chapter :))


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the epilogue! I actually wanted to update last week, however the past days has been so hectic I'm not able to T_T So here it is. Hope you like it :))

Mark woke up with a smile even before he opened his eyes, sensing the warmth that wasn’t from his blanket all over his naked body, enveloping him. He could hear a soft snoring from behind him, the sound he started to be fond of since the first time he heard it. The source of both still clinging to him, arms wrapped around his waist, hands rested on his stomach, legs tangled against his, and bare chest sticking to his back. He tried to turn his body around without waking the other up, stifling a groan when he felt the familiar soreness sprang from his lower back. It was a given, since it had been three years since his last lover, and he had been abstained from physical relationship since then. He kinda loved the feeling, actually. Not that he was a masochist, he just liked the lingering feeling of being one with the one he loved, which was the one whose sleeping face he was staring at right now.

Jackson was adorable. Despite his masculine face and muscular frame, perfectly sculpted body with strong manly scent emanated from him, in Mark’s eyes, he was cute and sweet. He was like a puppy, with how his gaze that never shifted from Mark full of adoration, the way he waited patiently until he finished his work, the way he timidly covered his confessions under the veil of a joke, and how he looked like a kicked puppy behind his fake laughter whenever Mark went along and answered with what sounded like a joke too.

Yeah, Mark had always knew the feeling Jackson held for him since the beginning. He knew it was cruel of his to take pleasure seeing his reactions, but he couldn’t help liking the feeling of having the other boy fell so deep in love with him, with the way he got frustrated even further day by day whenever he played ignorant.

The second Jackson stepped into the bar for the first time, he knew the boy was completely his type, but he didn't do anything. He knew the other liked him with his advances, but he didn't think much of it, thinking he would eventually give up like many others. It wasn't the first time a customer made a move at him anyway. But Jackson stubbornly never gave up, and Mark started to open up little by little. He began to let himself feeling things for the other boy, thinking he might’ve finally found the one he was searching for. Someone who loved him so much, deeply enough to still love him even with his overly possessive behavior. Someone who would accept being chained down by him, who would become restless whenever he loosened his grip knowing the chain was the indication of how deep his love was. And he thought Jackson might love him deep enough to be that someone.

That had always been the problem with his previous relationship. That was why they never lasted long, and Mark finally gave up having one three years ago. And now that he had found Jackson, he would never let him slipped out from his grasp.

That was partly why he dragged his confession on, playing along with all these joking facade. He wanted Jackson to become more and more infatuated by him, falling even deeper in love with him, anxious to have Mark loved him back. It was a gamble of course, but it was also a test to see whether Jackson would stay or give up. Mark couldn't have himself loved someone who didn’t love him enough to stay with him through everything. He already had his fair share of heartbreak, he didn’t need more.

However, it was already too hard to confess when he finally certain about Jackson, they had played this ‘joking’ games for far too long. It would be weird if he responded seriously all of sudden, and there was a big chance Jackson wouldn’t believe him. The only way left for him was to wait. As long as Jackson still confessed ‘jokingly’, he couldn't confess.

But it was already months, and it seemed like Jackson was never going to confess for real even after being given so many hints. Eventually, Mark was running out of patience, and at that moment, his parents even told him to go back to America. So he decided to use it as the last push for Jackson, and it was also his last chance. If he really loved him, he would confess. If he didn’t, then maybe his love wasn’t as deep as he thought it was. And there was no need to drag it any longer.

He hoped, and he waited. But there was no call or even a chat message from the younger the whole day after he told him about him leaving. He started to feel despaired, but he tried to brush it off. Maybe he would come to the bar tonight, he tried to think. But there was no sign of Jackson’s presence until the bar closed, crushing his hope into pieces. His heart felt heavy as he finished cleaning up and locked the bar. However as he turned around, slipping the key inside his pocket, he saw him. Leaning against the wall was the boy he was waiting for the whole day. And his hope began to bloom again.

“You’re awake?”

A deep voice, raspy from sleep, snapped Mark out of his train of thought. The pair of arms around his waist tightened, bringing him closer to the other boy until his wide, sturdy chest pressed against Mark’s more slender one. He felt the velvety touch of Jackson’s lips on his forehead as he hummed as an answer. They eventually found his even with the owner’s eyes still closed, pulling him into a lazy, slow kiss. When they pulled off, he found a pair of brown sleepy eyes staring adoringly at him, melting his bones combined with the sweet smile that decorated Jackson’s dashing features.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

“Aren’t you hungry? What do you want to eat? I’ll make it for you.”

“Really?” Mark felt like the corner of his mouth being pulled to his ears. His brain started to turn, thinking of what he should make Jackson cook. “How about something easy, like pancake?”

“Okay. Pancake then.” Jackson smiled wider, which he kissed chastely, feeling his love for the younger boy about to burst from his chest. He was so excited, wondering how it would taste. However, it was tuned down when realization seeped into him. It was a weekday.

“But don’t you have any class today? Is it okay if you don’t go home first?” he reluctantly said. He certainly wanted Jackson to stay with him all day, but he still had to ask.

“I’ll just skip. I don’t want to waste any second I can spent with you before you leave. I don’t even know when I could see you again next. I can stay here, right?” Jackson asked, staring at Mark with his puppy eyes.

“Of course you can,” Mark reassured him. His smile slightly stained with guilt that crawled into him. Now was the time to tell Jackson the truth. How should he say it? How would Jackson react when he told him he went to LA just to visit his newly born nephew, and would be back even before the hickeys spread across their bodies completely disappeared? If he was going to be mad, he just hoped it wouldn’t be long.

“Um, Jackson, actually…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually planned to make Mark's character a yandere, but I kinda pity Jackson so I aborted the plan hahaaa. Thanks for reading, subscribing, and leaving kudos and comments. I really appreciate it :))

**Author's Note:**

> I did some research since I didn't know anything about Mixology, cocktail, basically everything. The drink Mark taught Jackson to make was from here http://www.houseandgarden.co.uk/recipes/drinks-cocktails/french-martini and the drink Mark always made for Jackson was from here http://www.houseandgarden.co.uk/recipes/drinks-cocktails/sherry-cocktail-flame-of-love. Thanks for reading this, especially for everyone leaving kudos and comments here. They really get me motivated so really big thanks for them :))


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